


Bragging Rights

by bodhirooks



Category: Dad's Army
Genre: Gossip, Humor, I think?, M/M, Spontaneous Smooching, cuteness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-07 08:41:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19205854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bodhirooks/pseuds/bodhirooks
Summary: “So, uh, Joe…” the Scotsman began, quirking lips and leaning in conspiratorially. “Is it, uh, true? About you and Cap’n Mainwaring?”“Hm?” Walker turned his head, finding himself surrounded by Jones’ section of the platoon. Frazer, Pike, Jones, and Godfrey were watching him with anxious excitement, morbidly intrigued. Walker knew what they wanted to hear, having guessed word would spread soon enough.“Oh, come on Joe, do tell us!” Pike requested.The cat is out of the bag. No use chasing it.





	Bragging Rights

**Author's Note:**

> Another Dad's Army fic. Can be read separately from or after "The Night is Young." Enjoy!

“Platoon, atten-hut!”

A chorus of heels snapped into position, sharp and crisp, followed by a quiet shuffle one beat off. Captain Mainwaring rolled his eyes. He’d given up trying to correct Corporal Jones, who was chronically late during drill even as he was the most punctual of the men to arrive each evening. The Walmington-on-Sea platoon of the Home Guard was sharp but lively, several members in the front ranks trying to hold back a laugh. Mainwaring pointedly ignored that, assuming it was laughter at his expense. He didn’t want to hear it.

“Alright, men. We have an important job tonight, so listen carefully.”

The men ceased paying attention. Blundering on as they usually did, by the end of drill and Mainwaring’s lecture they were bored out of their skins and eager for some gossip. Private Frazer particularly, who was always eager for gossip. As soon as the officers dispersed, excepting Lance Corporal Jones, Frazer sidled up to Private Walker, baiting him into conversation.

“So, uh, Joe…” the Scotsman began, quirking lips and leaning in conspiratorially. “Is it, uh, true? About you and Cap’n Mainwaring?”

“Hm?” Walker turned his head, finding himself surrounded by Jones’ section of the platoon. Frazer, Pike, Jones, and Godfrey were watching him with anxious excitement, morbidly intrigued. Walker knew what they wanted to hear, having guessed word would spread soon enough.

“Oh, come on Joe, do tell us!” Pike requested, voice high with excitement as he wriggled around.

Rolling his eyes, Walker shrugged. “Well, I s’pose it won’t do any ‘arm. C’mere.” Crooking a finger, he beckoned the others off to the side. Once they were out of earshot he cleared his throat, playing up the drama. After a substantial pause, holding his finger in the air, he dipped his head. “Yes, it’s true.” 

Frazer jerked back, wide eyes darting to the side. “For the love of God!”

“Ah, don’t make such a deal of it, it’s real casual-like,” Walker insisted, dipping into his pocket for a cigarette. Lighting up, he waved his hand as if to dispel Frazer’s incredulity.   
  
“Well, tell us about it!” Pike insisted, giving him an earnest pat on the shoulder. The boy seemed genuinely excited to hear about his colleague’s love-life, unconventional though it may be.

Walker chuckled, glancing at the others. Frazer frazzled, Pike piqued, Jones jittery. Godfrey confused. It was just as entertaining to see as what they hoped to hear from him. He might as well tell them. 

“So it started like this: I was bringing ‘round some whiskey for Mrs. Mainwaring, and I sees the door to the house open, so I kinda poked me ‘ead in concerned-like, and Georgie-”

“Georgie?” Jones interjected, “Is that what-what you call Cap’n Mainwaring, is it?” 

“Well yeah, I mean in private-like,” Walker clarified before continuing. “Anyways, Georgie was sitting all somber-like by himself at the kitchen table, since Mrs. Mainwaring just left to stay with her sister again. So we opened the bottle of whiskey together and one thing lead to another and-”   
  
“Danae tell me you slept with him on the first night!” Frazer wailed, the cry drawing some looks from the others. 

“Shh, let him speak!” Pike hissed, clearly itching for more.

“What exactly is- be the-the Captain like in bed?” Jones asked, a wry smile on his face. “I think it is important to know-to be aware of just what the virility is of a man who you serve under-”

“My, that seems rather inappropriate, doesn’t it?” Godfrey interrupted, trying to salvage the dignity of the discussion. 

He failed. “So, what’s he like, what’s he like!” Pike demanded, bouncing on his heels. “In bed, that is.”

Walker smirked, but his cheeks turned a startling shade of crimson. “Well, he, uh. He’s an animal.” 

Pike nearly choked on his tongue. Frazer wheezed, and Jones clutched his chest, face ashen. Walker laughed, shaking his head at their antics. Godfrey, surprisingly, laughed with him. Maybe not so surprisingly. He was the oldest of them, after all, and he’d probably seen everything. “It’s true!” Walker grinned, making a fist and pumping the air in front of him. “He’s beastly, he just goes at it like this-”

“Stop, stop! I’ve heard enough!” Frazer stepped away, running his hands through his wild puff of hair.

“Gosh!” Pike breathed, eyes blown wide. “I never imagined he’d be so… So…”

“So what?” Walker inquired, brows furrowed.

“So… So masculine!” Pike floundered. 

“So barbaric!” Jones supplied.

“So stupid…” Frazer mumbled.

Walker scoffed. “Well excuse you all! What makes you think he wouldn’t be those things, eh? He’s the Cap’n, i’nt he? He’s always goin’ ‘round all assertive-like, makes sense he should do it in bed.” 

Pike frowned. “Yeah, but it’s never worked before, ‘as it?” 

Frazer gagged, and Jones leaned in, leaned out, and leaned in again, swatting at Walker’s arm worriedly. “Poor geezer’s lost his mind…” Walker tutted.

“So ‘ow many times have you done it?” Pike asked, sliding closer, face lit with a mischievous grin. Making an ‘o’ with his thumb and forefinger, he stuck another finger through the ‘o’ vigorously. 

“Yeah yeah I get it-” Walker covered up Pike’s hand with his palm, pushing it down. Glancing around, he leaned in a little closer. Still fascinated, Jones bent in, Frazer skipped back into the huddle, and Godfrey quirked an eyebrow. Reveling in the attention, Walker sniggered with glee. “Well,” he whispered, “We’ve only done it the once, but we went four or five rounds.” 

“What!” Frazer cried, stumbling backwards. 

“That’s-That’s-That’s-!” Jones stammered, myriad expressions crossing his face. 

“I wouldn’t have thought that’s medically possible,” Godfrey commented quietly, apparently unbothered.

Walker beamed proudly, glad to boast on behalf of his new lover. “Well it is, and he made a right fine mess of me he did!” 

Groaning, the others turned away. Pike scrunched up his face and stuck out his tongue. “Please, spare us the details!” Frazer bemoaned. 

“What, you’re the ones who asked for ‘em, en’t ya?”

“Who asked for what?”

Pike nearly shrieked. Captain Mainwaring was standing beside them, his expression stern. He’d snuck up on them, but didn’t seem to have heard anything.

If Walker’s face wasn’t red before it certainly was now. The spiv had no idea how his lover would feel if the man knew he’d told the others about their… escapades. Despite how Mainwaring blustered through life with chaotic, confident energy the man was deeply insecure and highly sensitive. Would he be angry?

“Nothing, Cap’n Mainwaring, nothing a’tall!” Jones insisted, stepping up as always to diffuse the situation. “We were in no way convincing Private Walker to divulge any secrets of a personable nature-” 

“Shut up, you old fool!” Walker snapped, elbowing Jones sharply. 

“You what!?” Mainwaring barked, jaw slack with indignation.

Shaking his head frantically, Walker took George by the arm, tugging him away from the others. “Let’s-Let’s just talk about this private-like.”    
  
Mainwaring frowned, turning towards his office and glancing over his shoulder. He’d calmed down, more still than vital. “Yes. Yes, let’s do that. Come here.” Gesturing towards the door, he lead Walker inside. Joe cast a furtive glance back at the others, who managed to look smug and apologetic at the same time. After rolling his eyes he entered the office, closing the door behind him. 

“What’s all this, then?” Mainwaring demanded, crossing his arms. He stood in front of his desk, trapping Walker between his body and the door. 

Joe chortled awkwardly. “See, thing is-” he began, scrounging his brain for his usual elaborate excuses, but his gaze met Captain Mainwaring’s and he sighed. He needed to tell the truth. “Thing is… Rumors ‘ave been floating ‘round ‘bout us, and Frazer and Pikey and the others, well they wanted to know the truth, and they were askin’ ‘bout whether we’d slept together an’ things, a-”

“And you told them,” Mainwaring finished, voice surprisingly flat. That gave Walker pause. He hadn’t expected the Captain to react so evenly.

“You… You aren’t mad at me, are you…?” he mumbled.

A terrifying beat of silence passed. Joe’s heart hammered unbearably. Finally, George spoke. “No. No, I’m not mad.” Joe breathed a sigh of relief. “However-”

“Oh, George, please don’t be mad at me!” Walker pouted, putting on his best puppy eyes. He definitely didn’t want his lover to kick him to the curb, as it were. Reaching out, he ran his hands down George’s arms, trying to coax him closer. 

Mainwaring quirked his brow, but acquiesced, wrapping his arms around Joe and holding him close. “You didn’t let me finish,” he insisted, clearing his throat. Walker braced himself. “I said I’m not mad at you, however... I would have liked to keep those intimate details to ourselves.”

Walker nodded, suitably chastised. “Right…” he breathed. 

Mainwaring nodded as well. “So what, uh… What did you tell them?”

Walker grinned. There Georgie was. “Well…” he purred, swaying his hips, leaning back against the door, “I told them all about how strong and aggressive and virile you are, and how long you can fuck me-”

“Alright, alright, that’s enough,” Mainwaring grumped, waving his hand dismissively, a cringe on his face. But his eyes were glittering with delight, mischief and gratification. Joe giggled, leaning in and giving him a peck on the cheek. Mainwaring hummed happily.

Smirking, Walker ran his hands down George’s back, pressing their chests together. “In the mood t’ remind me just how strong and aggressive you are?” he teased, eyes hooded, darting towards Mainwaring’s lips.

Mainwaring hummed again, palms traveling down to squeeze Walker’s ass. “Indeed I am,” he purred, reveling in the pink flush crawling up Walker’s neck. 

Walker smiled wryly. “Here…?” he lilted, hoping to edge him on.

“I think not!” Mainwaring roared, pouncing and scooping Walker into his arms. Joe shrieked with delight, wrapping his legs around Mainwaring’s waist and squeezing. Groaning, George nipped at Walker’s neck before swinging him around. “You’re coming home with me!”

“But what about Mrs. Mainwaring?” Walker laughed, though he really didn’t care.

“Still out of town, my dear!” Mainwaring crowed lyrically. His mood had turned around completely. 

“Shall we slip away under cover of darkness?” Walker quipped, clearly hoping the answer would be yes. 

Gently setting Walker down, Mainwaring kissed him, slow and sweet, a firm press of lips. “Yes, but discreetly,” he agreed, leaving one last kiss on Walker’s neck before he opened the exterior door, pointing forcefully. “Now get out.” 

With a coy smile on his face Walker strutted slowly, pausing in the doorway. With a cheeky grin he suddenly dashed away, Captain Mainwaring hot on his heels. They passed a… pleasant evening after that.   

 

* * *

 

 

find me on Tumblr @[androgynousmeme](https://androgynousmeme.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated!


End file.
